Another Mother’s Day
My mom and I in 2015
I woke up on November 30th, 2022 with that annual, expected dread: It was my mom’s birthday. She would have been 67. Tucked tightly under my duvet, the typical ways I honor my mom, Susan, were fluttering across my brain – picking up a strawberry milkshake, going thrifting, roller skating at Moonlight Rollerway. But none of them seem like they would help me overcome the deep sadness that continues to bug me. That day, all I wanted to do was send my dead mom a birthday card. It wouldn’t have been anything special, just a quick “Happy Birthday! You’re the best and I love you so much!” to let her know I was thinking about her. In that moment, as I mustered the will to move through my day, an idea popped in my head. What if there was a place where you could send letters to the dead?
Postal Service for the Dead was born. An ongoing, collective project, it allows people to send letters to anyone in their life who has died. With their approval, the letters are shared on social media as a communal memorial that celebrates the unique ways we grieve. In the days after my mom’s birthday, I feverishly threw together this project by applying for a PO Box, making a webpage, asking numerous friends to review it (thank you!), and creating my first Instagram post. This project emerged at a helpful point in my own grief journey, and combines my skill sets as an artist, trainee of Going with Grace’s End of Life Doula program, and curious digital archives student. Anyone can send a letter, and there are three levels of privacy for senders to indicate their comfort level of sharing.
As we approach Mother’s Day, I’m reminded of yet another reason I cannot send my mom a card. It’s my hope that this project can be a helpful resource for anyone missing the comfort of snail mail being delivered into the hands of a loved one, those who have unspoken words to share, and anyone seeking connection. Postal Service for the Dead recognizes that grief looks different for everyone, and that holidays can bring up messy feelings, which is why we also designed special postcards that aim to encompass the expansive experience of this day. Whether you hate this holiday or try to forget about it entirely – I hope you’ll find comfort in sending a card.
If you’d like to utilize the Postal Service for the Dead postcards, please follow these instructions:
Download the document here (it includes all the designs).
Print the document double-sided, flip on the long edge.
Print using a minimum of 16 pt cardstock (per USPS guidelines).
If you’d like, take a moment to color in the postcard for a little mindfulness break.
Write whatever you need to write.
Be sure to follow our symbol privacy system before sending:
Option 1: Do not read. If you do not want our team to read your postcard, please place it in an envelope and leave the backside of the envelope blank.
Option 2: Read my postcard but do not share. If you would like our team to read your postcard but do not want the contents shared publicly, please mark your postcard with a heart by the delivery address.
Option 3: You can share my postcard. If you would like to share your postcard publicly, which includes digital platforms such as our Instagram, please include a star by the delivery address. We invite you to write freely and any mentioned names will be censored for anonymity before sharing. By sharing the letters, we hope to normalize the full range of emotions and experiences that accompany death, dying, and grieving.
Send your postcard to:
Sleepy Sue Studio
PO BOX 31412
Los Angeles, CA
90031
In addition to the Postal Service for the Dead, there are many ways to navigate grief through writing. With anything you write, you could send it off by burning it or even letting the wind take it away. My coworker recently shared a sweet story that when her grandfather died, she left a letter for him on a playground set. I was touched by the idea that the playground was the sacred space where her grandfather could receive the message or that the right person would serendipitously find it.
To all navigating the winding road that is Mother’s Day, I hope you find a moment of joy, rest, or allow yourself to forget about the holiday entirely.
Thank you to Rob Goyanes for editing this piece.